Modest-Jokes

Husband Joke While a misogynist was paying his last respects to his wife, someone asked him: 'Who has gone to rest? He replied: 'Me, now that I'm alone.' Barber Joke A barber, an absent minded professor and a bald man go on a long journey together and have to camp out overnight so they decide to take it in turns to watch the luggage. The barber volunteers for the first watch while the other two sleep but soon gets bored so he decides to pass the time by shaving the professor's head. When his shift is up he wakes the professor who pats his head and exclaims, 'God, that barber is a real idiot, he's woken up baldy instead of me.' American Joke Mary Pembarthy, a guide at Windsor Castle, told Will and Guy this allegedly true story about what she heard last month when 'on duty'. Mary was struggling to make herself heard over the roar of low flying aircraft coming into land at nearby London Heathrow Airport, one of the busie

Library Joke A blonde goes into a library and cheerfully says, "Hi! I'm here to see the doctor!" In a stern, but hushed voice, the librarian says, "Miss, this is a library." So the blonde lowers her voice and says, "Oh sorry!" Then whispers, "I'm here to see the doctor." Farm Joke An intellectual caught sight of a deep well on his country-estate, and asked if the water was any good. The farmhands assured him that it was good, and that his own parents used to drink from that well. The intellectual expressed his amazement: 'How long were their necks, if they could drink from something so deep!' Friend Joke An intellectual came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man's wife said that he had "departed", the intellectual replied: 'When he arrives back, will you tell him that I stopped by? Dowry Joke A glutton betrothed his daughter to another glutton. Asked w

Shop Joke One day a blonde walked into a cookie shop to see a small tray full of cookies. The sign said 'free sample' so she took one. The next day the blond was sick and could barely move. She swore revenge upon the cookie shop. She marched back to the cookie shop and burst into the cookie shop and slammed her foot. "Your cookies made me sick!" she screamed, pointing to the 'free sample' tray. "Oh, what are we going to do about that?" said the store clerk, as he bit his lip. "I want my money back!" screamed the blonde. Manager Joke There are 3 men and they all want a job at Sainsburys so the 1st man comes in and says to the manager. 1st Man: Can i have a job please. Manager:Yes go and do something dangerous so he does something dangerous comes back. 1st Man: Ive done it. Manager:How many letters in the alphabet. 1st Man:26 Same for 2nd Man. But on 3rd man. Manager:How many letters in the alphabet. 3rd man:24. Mana

Pupil Joke Harold: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do? Teacher: Of course not. Harold: Good, because I didn't do my homework.  Teacher: Why are you late? Webster: Because of the sign. Teacher: What sign? Webster: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." That's what I did.  Teacher: Bob, I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper. Bob: I hope you didn't either.  Gary: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test. Teacher: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.  Mother: Why did you get such a low mark on that test? Junior: Because of absence. Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test? Junior: No, but the kid who sits next to me was.  Sylvia: Dad, can you write in the dark? Father: I think so. What do you want me to write? Sylvia: Your name on this report card.  Teacher: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son. Father: What's that? Te

Friends Joke There were three blondes stranded on a island far, far away. They saw a magic bottle floating on the water. They retrieved it and they went ahead and rubbed it, a genie came out and said “thank you very much ladies". The genie said, "just letting me out, I will grant you all one wish and one wish only", so all three blondes were really excited. The first blonde said "I want to be rich and have a big mansion with a big swimming pool, and poof, she was gone having a good time. The second blonde said, "I want to be a millionaire and own a plane with a cute husband to take care of me and travel the world", and poof, she was off with her husband having a good time. Then the third blonde was so sad that her friends left, and the genie asked, "what is wrong?". The blonde said, you know what I wish? "I wish my friends were back here with me", and poof, the other two blondes appeared, and all there were back together