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Bar Joke

Two blondes came into a bar, sat down, and ordered drinks. They were making merry in a serious way and it was obvious to the bartender that they were celebrating something big. His curiosity finally got the better of him and he says " I hate to be nosy, but it's obvious that you two are celebrating something big. What's the occasion" One blonde replies "Well, we are just sooo proud of ourselves, because we just finished - just the two of us alone - a 50 piece jigsaw puzzle in only 3 days." Confused, the bartender says "So?", to which the other blonde says "Well, on the box it says 3 - 5 years"

Sports Joke

Hanging in the hallway at the High School are the basketball team pictures from the past 40 years. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year -- "62-63," "63-64," "64-65," etc. One day I spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos. Turning to me, he said, "Isn't it strange how the teams always lost by one point?"



Teenager Joke

Dining out one evening, I noticed six teenagers boisterously celebrating some event at a nearby table. Toward their end of their meal, one of them got up and produced a camera. "Hey, wait a minute," one of her companions said. "You have to be in the picture too." When I approached and asked if I could help, the girl who owned the camera was delighted. I snapped a picture of the group and then, being unfamiliar with the camera, I asked her, "Do you want me to take another in case that one doesn't come out?" "Oh, no, that's okay," she chirped innocently. "I always get double prints."



Sister Joke

One day I noticed my sister wasn't wearing a watch. When I asked her about it, she replied, "I don't need a watch. At home there's a clock in every room, and in the car there's a clock on the dashboard." Knowing my sister's an avid shopper, I inquired, "Well, how do you tell time when you're shopping?" "That's easy," she replied. "I just buy something else and then look at the time printed on the sales receipt."

Test Joke

The head doctors in an insane asylum had a meeting and decided that one of their patients was potentially well. So they decide to test him and take him to the movies. When they get to the movie theatre, there are signs of wet paint pointing to the benches. The doctors just sit down, but the patient puts a newspaper down first and then sits down. The doctors get all excited cause they think maybe he's in touch with reality now. So they ask him, "Why did you put the newspaper down first?" He answers, "So I'd be higher and have a better view."



Brother Joke

My four year old daughter had a terrible case of the flu, she was achy, had a high fever, and was terribly hoarse. After waiting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office for over an hour we were finally admitted to see the Doctor. After the usual routine of listening to her breathing and checking her ears, the Doctor looked my daughter in the eye and said, “so what would you say is bothering you the most?” Without skipping a beat my daughter promptly answered, “Billy, he always breaks my toys!”

Wife Joke

Bob was in a terrible motorcycle accident and his legs weren’t in great shape, to say the least. After a couple of weeks of therapy, it soon became clear to the Doctor that they were just pushing off the inevitable. Due however, to Bob’s frail condition, the Doctor was afraid to give him the bad news. Instead, he gave the sorry job to Bob’s wife of 40 years, hoping that she would know how to break the bad news to him ever so slowly and gently. “Honey”, said Bob’s wife Eva the next morning, “I’ve got good news and bad news, which one would you like to hear first?” Bob, always in a morbid state, responded in his usual grumpy voice, “what do I care? Just give me the bad news!” “Well dear,” said Eva cupping Bob’s hand with her two hands, “I hate to have to tell you this, but it seems like your legs are going to have to be taken off.” Bob, barely able to hold his voice from cracking croaked out, “Eva, what’s the good news?” “The good news” said Eva happily, “is that that the gardener that was in here just before, said he may be interested in buying your slippers from you!”

Hospital Joke

“I hate to have to tell you this”, said the Doctor in a sad compassionate voice, “but you have been unfortunately been diagnosed with a highly contagious disease, we will have to quarantine you and you’ll only be fed cheese and bologna.” “That’s terrible!” Said the distraught young man, quickly sitting down before he could faint. “I don’t know if I could handle being in quarantine…and the cheese and bologna diet… What’s with the cheese and bologna diet anyway? I’ve never heard of such a diet before?!” “It’s not exactly a diet”, responded the Doctor matter of factly, “it’s just the only food that will fit under the door!”

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Best ever short top funny clean bar jokes with hilarious new sports jokes. More humor with crazy teenager jokes and good sister jokes including amazing test jokes. Includes latest great cool comedy videos.



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