Modest-Jokes

Computer Joke My friend was on duty in the main lab on a quiet afternoon. He noticed a young woman sitting in front of one of the computer workstations with her arms crossed across her chest and staring at the screen. After about 15 minutes he noticed that she was still in the same position only now she was impatiently tapping her foot. He asked if she needed help and she replied, "It's about time! I pushed the F1 button over twenty minutes ago!" Teacher Joke An English teacher at Iowa State University spent a lot of time marking grammatical errors in her students' written work. She wasn't sure how much impact she was having until one overly busy day when she sat at her desk rubbing her temples. A student asked, "What's the matter, Mrs. Sheridan?" "Tense," she replied, describing her emotional state. After a slight pause the student tried again, "What was the matter? What has been the matter? What might have been the

Hospital Joke The Psychiatrist was escorting a patient from one Psychiatric Hospital to another. They were travelling by train, and the Psychiatrist was intrigued to see the patient tearing up bits of paper and throwing them out of the window. "What are you doing that for?" asked the Psychiatrist. "It's to keep the elephants away!" answered the patient. "But there are no elephants in Surrey," pointed out the Psychiatrist. "Effective, isn't it?" was the logical answer. University Joke On his first day of classes at a university, a student took a front row seat in a literature course. The professor told them they would be responsible for reading five books, and that he would provide them with a list of authors from which they could choose. Then the professor ambled over to the lectern, took out his class notes and began ... "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook ...” The student was working feverishly to get down a

Exam Joke An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist." Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute. Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an "A" when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?" Mother Joke When I arrived for my daughter's parent-teacher conference, the teacher seemed a bit flustered, especially when she started telling me that my

Man Joke Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests...I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large SPLASH!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could...the crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking. Finally, he made it to the other side unharmed. The millionaire was impressed. He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain...which do you want, my daughter or the one million dollars?" The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money! And I don't

Parent Joke Teacher: "Isn't it remarkable how quickly the kids learn to drive the car?" Parent: "Yes, especially considering how slowly they catch on to running the lawnmower and vacuum cleaner." Grandmother Joke My granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to sew. After I had gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, "You mean you can do all that, but you can't operate my Game Boy?" Class Joke During the last session of our teaching workshop, participants were asked to state their personal goals for the immediate future. One teacher vowed to update photo albums, another to lose weight. The goal that got the most response, however, was given by a kindergarten teacher. "I resolve to exercise until I can complete a 20-minute workout in less than an hour," she said. Blond Joke A blo