Short Funny Jokes
Best Ever Short Jokes Collection For Kids And Family like funny humor joke good funny quotes cute yo mama jokes great humor superb knock knock jokes astounding racist jokes cool CID jokes and more...
Best ever humor joke collection of short jokes for the young and the old with funny images and videos. Appropriate for sharing at family and social functions.
Brian walked into work and saw his co-worker wanting notably bitter. “Hey what’s wrong buddy?” His friend found with a forlorn expression on his face. “You keep in mind last month however my Grandmother’s sister passed on and left American state $2,000?”
“Yes,” same Brian pendulous his head.
“And you keep in mind, however, the month before that her brother passed on and left American state $5000?
“Uh huh,” same Brian once more.
“Well, this month is sort of over,” same the coworker with a wave of his hand “and………………..NOTHING!”
On the day of my huge employment interview, I awakened late. Frantically I threw on a suit. “OH NO!” I believed. “MY TIE! My begetter was out of the city and wasn’t there to assist American state, and for the lifetime of the American state, I failed to shrewdness to tie a tie!
I grabbed a tie and ran out the door. “Excuse American state sir,” I came to the traffic cop, “I have a vital employment interview, are you able to please facilitate American state create this tie?!”
“Sure” came the guard, “just lie on this bench.” Well if somebody was getting to facilitate American state I wasn’t getting to raise any queries. once he finished and therefore the tie looked sensible I simply had to raise why I had to lie.
“Well in my previous job I learned the way to tie’s on people after they were lying down. He replied.
What was your previous job? I asked disbelievingly.
“I ran a more.” Was the reply.
A blonde and brunette square measure sitting next to every different on a plane. once many minutes the blonde appearance up from the book she’s reading and asks, “who wants a “k” in beautiful?”
The brunette appearance up, puzzled, at the blonde and responds, “there is not any “k” in beautiful?”
After many minutes of thinking the blonde appearance duplicate at the brunette and asks, “why is there no “k” in beautiful?”
Exasperated the brunette responds, “WHO wants A “K” IN BEAUTIFUL?!”
“Hey wait a second”, protested the blonde. LET’S provide CREDIT wherever CREDIT IS DUE! “Isn’t that the question I started off with?! “who wants a “k” in beautiful?”
As a well-liked native politician, I continually attempt to relief whenever I will. thus that’s however it came to be that once a fellow came up to American state in a very building lobby the opposite day and asked American state for as little favor I used to be a lot of than happy to oblige.
“Hi,” same the guy, introducing himself as Bob Smith. “I’m having an awfully vital business meeting in a very jiffy, and it’s important that I impress them. If you'll simply intercommunicate throughout our meeting and say greeting I might be forever indebted to you!”
So that’s however many minutes later, I found myself walking over to the guy with a giant smile on my face, “Hi Bob!” I same.
“I barely got the words out of my mouth once Bob found with Associate in Nursing aggravated expression, “don't trouble American state currently CHRIS. CAN’T YOU SEE I'm within the MIDDLE OF a vital MEETING?!
“You name it, we’ll create it!” Was the large sign outside the new eating place on Thirteenth Avenue. “There is not any food we have a tendency to can’t bring you!” “Excuse American state sir”, same a person with an important Russian accent to the waiter, “I would like please, A Garden dish with Russian mayonnaise.” “RUSSIAN DRESSING?! Screamed the top cook, “I've never EVEN detected OF RUSSIAN DRESSING! WHAT square measure we have a tendency to getting to provide THIS GUY? “Don’t worry,” came the owner to the cook, “I’ll beware of everything, you only create the dish.” And that’s however it happened that 2 minutes later the waiter walked out with a giant Garden dish and an image of a Russian man swing on his pants.
Brian’s stress level was at unexceeded levels. His partner Maggie was aborning and Brian was positive it absolutely was time to go to the hospital. respiration heavily, Brian grabbed the phone and known as the doctor. “MY WIFE, SHE’S prepared, ought to we have a tendency to COME?” The doctor tried to relax the poor fellow, “just attempt to relax, currently tell American state what proportion time elapses between the contractions?” “SHIRLEY!” Brian screamed on the highest of his lungs, “HOW abundant TIME IN BETWEEN THE CONTRACTIONS? 10 MINUTES? OK, 10 MINUTES IN BETWEEN!”
“And is that this her initial child?” Questioned the doctor. “NO YOU STUPID simple, this can be HER HUSBAND!”
Q: what is worst than Tiger Woods driving your Cadillac Escalade?
A: Dick Cheney riding shotgun!
“I hate to own to inform you this”, same the Doctor in a very unhappy compassionate voice, “but you have got been sadly been diagnosed with an extremely contagion, we'll need to quarantine you and you’ll solely be fed cheese and bologna.”
“That’s terrible!” same the overwrought young man, quickly sitting down before he might faint. “I don’t apprehend if I might handle being in quarantine…and the cheese and bologna diet…
What’s with the cheese and bologna diet anyway? I’ve never of such a diet before?!”
Q: Why does not Elin Nordegren ever back up the fish market?
A: as a result of Tiger is often conveyance home crabs!
My four-year recent girl had a terrible case of the contagion, she was painful, had a high fever, and was very cacophonic. once waiting within the waiting area at the doctor’s workplace for over Associate in Nursing hour we have a tendency to were finally admitted to checking the Doctor.
After the standard routine of taking note of her respiration and checking her ears, the Doctor looked my girl within the eye and same, “so what would you say is bothering you the most?”
Without skipping a beat my girl promptly answered, “Billy, he continually breaks my toys!”
Q: however did Tiger Wood's quality play a task in his driving accident?
A: The black in Tiger bought the Cadillac Escalade, the Asian in him destroyed it!
A lady came certain a routine physical at the Doctor’s workplace. “Here”, same the nurse, handing her a piss specimen instrumentation. “The restroom is over there on your right. The Doctor is going to be with you in a very jiffy.”
A few minutes later the woman came out of the lavatory with Associate in Nursing empty instrumentation and a mitigated look on her face.
“Thanks! However, they'd a bathroom in there, thus I didn’t want this once all!”
Q: what is worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a nine iron?
A: Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter!
Due to employment transfer, Brian stirred from his town to big apple town. Being that he had an awfully comprehensive health history, he brought on all of his medical work, once it came time for his initial check-up together with his new Doctor.
After browsing through the in-depth medical record, the Doctor stared at Brian for many moments and same, ” Well there’s one issue I will say certainly, you positive look higher face to face than you are doing on paper!”
Dear Lindsey Vonn, A lion would never delude his partner. however a Tiger Wood.
Brian, one in all the worlds greatest hypochondriacs, saw his Dr. sooner or later at the grocery.
“Doc!” Brian exclaimed, “I’ve been aspiring to tell you, keep in mind those voices I unbroken on hearing in my head? I haven’t detected them in over a week!”
“Wow! What fantastic news Brian! I’m thus happy for you!” his Dr. exclaimed.
“Wonderful?” asked a dismal wanting Brian. “There’s nothing fantastic regarding it. I’m afraid my hearing is commencing to go now!
Q: however does one "Tiger" proof a golf course?
A: By strategically inserting hearth hydrants!
Doctor: “I am not specifically positive of the cause. I feel it can be as a result of alcohol.”
Patient: “That’s OK. I'll return after you square measure sober.”
Q: Why will Elin currently create Tiger Woods cry anytime she has sex?
A: She's mistreatment irons rather than Woods driver!
Sam goes to the doctor for his yearly health check. “Everything is fine”, same the doctor, “You’re doing OK for your age.” “For my age?” questioned guided missile, “I’m solely seventy-five, does one suppose I’ll create it to 80? “Well,” came the doctor, “do you drink or smoke?” “No” guided missile replied. “Do you eat fatty meat or sweets?” “No” same guided missile “I am terribly careful regarding what I eat.” “How regarding your activities? does one have interaction in thrilling behaviors like rushing or skiing? “No” same guided missile bowled over, “I would never have interaction in dangerous activities.” “Well,” came the doctor, “then why in the world would you wish to measure to be 80?
Q: What happened once Tiger Woods signed his book with a 69?
A: The PGA asked if it absolutely was on the golf links or within the bedroom!
Mother – I want to talk to the doctor, it’s Associate in Nursing emergency, my kid incorporates a temperature of a hundred and one.
Doctor to Secretary – resolve however she’s taking the temperature.
Secretary – however, square measure you taking it?
Mother – American state, I’m holding up OK.
Q: that course provides Tiger Woods the foremost trouble?
A: Intercourse!
I was terribly afraid regarding getting to the attending doctor to induce an exact procedure done on my eyes. The doctor tried to place American state comfy however to no avail. it absolutely was once he finished with my initial eye that I nearly jumped out of the chair. “There there”, the same “only one eye left!”
Q: Why is that the PGA threatening to review all of Tiger's victories?
A: as a result of he is been suspect of carrying an additional Wood in his bag!
Q: Why was Tiger Woods embarked on the Ryder Cup team?
A: He incorporates a history of obtaining beat by Europeans!
Q: during which Wayan Brothers moving picture will Tiger Woods create a cameo?
A: White Chicks 2!
Q: Why is Tiger's golf no totally different than his personal life?
A: he is continually obtaining his balls cleaned!
Q: once did Tiger drive through a hazard and into the trees?
A: once his second ho!
Q: Why will Tiger Woods cry whereas nailing hot white girls?
A: The Mace
Q: what is the distinction between a ball and a Cadillac Escalade?
A: Tiger will drive the ball four hundred yards!
Q: What does one decision the primary nine ladies to come back forward within the Tiger Wood's sex scandal?
A: The Front Nine!
Q: What did the lama tell reporters regarding the Tiger Woods incident?
A1: you always notice a tree in a very Woods, however, Tiger's partner found a Woods in a very tree!
A2: you'll take a Tiger out of the Woods however you cannot take the Wood out of the Tiger!
Q: What does one provide Tiger & Elin Woods for his or her next wedding anniversary?
A: Nothing. There will not be a next.
Q: however did Elin Nordegren find out how to swing a golf club?
A: By look "Happy Gilmore"!
Q: however was Elin Nordegren able to make sure her suspicions regarding Tiger's infidelity?
A: The Golf Channel according to that Tiger had been operating with Associate in Nursing extra-stiff shaft in between rounds of his last tournament!
Q: What companies square measure still puzzling over sign language Tiger Wood's to Associate in Nursing endorsement deal?
A: Trojan, KY Jelly, Motel 6, Lavalife, Adultfriendfinder, AshleyMadison!
Q: What happened once Tiger Woods visited The Virgin Islands?
A: They renamed it The Islands!
Q: What score did the Sunshine State State police provide Tiger Woods following his accident?
A: Tree-under
Q: however did Jack Nicklaus characterize Tiger's golf game?
A: "His short game continues to be as robust as ever, however, he is having issues together with his drives."
Q: Why did Gatorade dump Tiger Woods' Focus sports drink?
A: as a result of the saying "Is it in You?", currently, incorporates a totally different connotation!
Q: What does one do after you see a Tiger in a very tree?
A: decision 911 as a result of he was simply in a very automotive accident.
Q: Why will not Tiger be happy till he finds a white mistress named "Gillette"?
A: as a result of Gillette's "the best a person will get!"
Q: Why were Tiger and Elin argument at 2:30 within the morning?
A: He wished to travel Driving, however, she had symptom on her mind!
Q: Why did Elin Nordegren keep striking Tiger Woods with a golf club?
A: She was simply making an attempt to strike whereas the iron was hot!
Q: Why did the PGA Tour say they suspend Tiger Woods indefinitely?
A: By now, Tiger ought to apprehend the distinction between the correct hole and therefore the wrong hole!
Q: what is worst than par in a very Cadillac Escalade?
A: Tree-under!
Q: Why was Tiger in such a rush at 2:30?
A: He was late going to the consequent hole.
Q: Why is Tiger's partner obtaining increasing mad at him?
A: She detected that he complete a spherical in Australia....England....New York... & Las Vegas!
Q: what is the distinction between Tiger Woods taking part in golf and driving a car?
A: In golf, Tiger will keep out of the trees.
Q: Why is Elin Nordegren changing into progressively angry along with her husband, Tiger Woods?
A: as a result of the still hasn't taken his Match.com profile down!
Q: what's Tiger Woods' favorite driver?
A: His screwdriver.
Q: Why did Tiger Woods get into such a lot trouble?
A: as a result of the place his driver into the incorrect bag!
Q: what is Tiger Wood's favorite club?
A: The nightclub!
Q: Why did Elin Nordegren hit Tiger with a nine iron again?
A: She wished a Mulligan!
Q: what's Tiger Woods' New Year resolution?
A: No a lot of Escalades, phone messages, and Swedish Blondes!
Q: Is Tiger Woods the best linksman in history?; the controversy continues.
A: Has Tiger Woods been in additional holes than the other skilled golfer?; the controversy is over.
Q: What did philosopher tell Tiger Woods?
A: The UN agency drives well in "fairway" doesn't continually "fare" well in route.
Q: What were Tiger Woods & his partner doing out at 3am?
A: symptom
Q: however can Elin Woods receive her divorce settlement from Tiger?
A: With a large outsized check!
Q: however are you able to tell Elin Nordegren and her twin sister Josephine apart?
A: Elin is holding the nine iron!
Q: Why is it ironic that Tiger Woods owns several costly cars?
A: Currently he incorporates a hole in one!
Q: What did Tiger Woods tell the Paramedics?
A: UN agency square measure you? And what square measure of these trees doing in my House?
Q: however did Tiger Woods justify his cheating ways that to his wife?
A: "Honey, I am knowledgeable linksman. That means, every day, I want to play a spherical."
Q: what's Tiger's least favorite wood?
A: A tree!
Q: Is it true Tiger Woods is taking part in a round?
A: Yes, he is doing eighteen holes!
Q: Why did Elin Woods use the nine iron to bust out the rear window?
A: as a result of she detested the driver!
Q: what's the name of the creative activity film regarding the Tiger Woods crash?
A: Morning Wood!
Q: what's the name of the creative activity film regarding Tiger Woods life
A: Black Thai Affairs!
Q: Why did Tiger Woods hit a fireplace hydrant and a tree?
A: His caddie wasn't there to assist him to decide between Associate in Nursing iron and a wood.
Q: Why did Phil Mickelsen decision Elin Nordegren?
A: For recommendations on the way to beat Tiger!
Q: What happened once Tiger Woods hit a tree together with his Cadillac Escalade?
A: A bunch of ladies fell out!
Q: what's the "Tiger Woods" hazard?
A: once your field of play is obstructed by a crazy bitch!
Q: what is the distinction between striking a golf club and being hit by a golf club?
A: raise Tiger, he knows!
Q: however does one apprehend that Elin Nordegren could be a dangerous golfer?
A: She required five mulligans on Tigers face!
Q: What song did Tiger Woods sing to his children on Christmas Day?
A: "All I need for Christmas is my 2 Front Teeth"!
Q: what's Tiger Woods fresh modified legal name?
A: Tiger Woodies!
Q: If Tiger isn't extremely a Tiger then what's he?
A: A CHEETAH!
Q: Why will Tiger Woods continually need the gallery to shut up once he is taking part in golf?
A: he is uninterested in the children spoken communication "Hi! Dad"! "Hi! Dad"!
Q: What do Tiger Woods and baby seals have in common?
A: They've each been clubbed by Norwegians!
Q: Why is Elin Nordegren this angry?
A: Elin thought she was marrying a tiger, however currently learned he is extremely a cheetah.
Q: What course will Tiger Woods continually get Associate in Nursing hole in one?
A: Intercourse!
Q: what's Nike's new playing slogan?
A: Tiger Woods, the simplest Swinger within the world. simply Do It!
Q: Why is that the PGA wanting into all of Tiger Woods victories?
A: somebody told them he cheats!
Q: Why square measure sponsors protruding with Tiger Woods?
A: Apparently ladies do not watch golf!
Q: What did Elin Nordegren do this no different linksman has done before?
A: Beat Tiger Woods with a 9-iron!
Q: what's the foremost ironic a part of the total Tiger Woods incident?
A: a giant Tiger was knocked-out by somewhat pussy!
Q: what is the new youngsters birthday game free by Parker Brothers?
A: Pin the 9-iron on the Tiger!
Q: Whats the distinction between Tiger Woods and aristocrat Diana?
A: Tiger incorporates a higher Driver
Q: Why did Tiger Woods crash into a fireplace hydrant and a tree?
A: He could not decide between a wood Associate in Nursing an iron!
Q: Why should not Tiger Woods need to apologize for a roll in the hay some of the women?
A: as a result of Barack Obama is a roll in the hay everybody else!
Q: Why does not Tiger Wood's perceive he's in Sex Addiction rehab?
A: He keeps requesting marital status visits from his mistresses!
Q: What will Paris Hilton and Tiger Woods have in common?
A: They each square measure a giant hit with clubs.
Q: Why did Tiger Woods move to a sex addiction clinic in town, Mississippi?
A1: as a result of the Mississippi state stone is "petrified wood".
A2: as a result of Mississippi ladies like multiple partners. that is why they continually say "Y'all come!"
A3: as a result of the thought the word "grits" meant a brand new sexual position!
A4: as a result of the Mississippi state fish is that the largemouth bass!
Q: what is the distinction between St. Nick and Tiger Woods?
A: St. Nick stops once three ho's!
Q: Why will Tiger just like the jungle?
A: He gets lots of bush within the jungle as a result of he's a tiger!
Q: What was the quantity one answer in a very survey asking a thousand ladies regarding whether or not they would get it on Tiger Woods?
A: Never Again!
An Associate in Nursing Elin Woods known as Tiger Woods yesterday, screaming "You bastard! you bought American state pregnant!
Tiger replied, "Wait a moment. UN agency is this?"
Q: what is the new pill laptop Tiger Woods is endorsing?
A: dock,,, It options a seven in. drive and no memory!
Q: what is the distinction between Tiger's Cadillac Escalade and his pitching wedge?
A: He will hit his wedge over water hazards and trees.
Q: What will Tiger Woods concede to be safe sex?
A: once Elin is out of town!
Q: Why is Tiger Woods being honored on Earth Day in Apr 2010?
A: thanks to all the White he is picked up worldwide!
Q: What do Tiger and Elin have in common?
A: They each attempt to club his balls square measure exhausting as potential.
Q: Why did Tiger Woods get into such a lot trouble?
A: He unbroken discovering birdies!
Q: what's inventor not fascinated by Tiger Woods endorsing their shavers?
A: He will not say "this is his nighest shave ever."
Q: Why is Tiger Woods extremely upset?
A: His caddy could not facilitate him avoid the tree and therefore the water hazard!
Q: What reasonably club did Elin swing at Tiger?
A: appears like it absolutely was a pitching wedge.
Q: however are you able to say you outdrove Tiger Woods?
A: By safely creating it out of your own route within the morning?
Q: Did you hear regarding the new Tiger Woods impressed martial art movie?
A: "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant."
Q: Why is not Tiger Woods extremely a Tiger?
A: solely a cub gets clubbed at home!
Q: Why ought to Tiger Woods surrender the sport of golf?
A: once winning everything, Tiger has finally lost his drive!
Q: Why did Tiger's partner beat him together with his nine iron?
A: somebody else was mistreatment his wood!
Q: however does one apprehend Tiger's been taking part in well lately?
A: he is been going away his balls hole high.
Q: What will the press talk over with Tiger Woods' six mistresses?
A: His "18 holes"
Q: What has the Tiger Woods incident educated young couples regarding relationships?
A: even if you get nice home roast meals, everybody needs to dine out occasionally!
Q: what's the penalty for obtaining it within the wrong hole?
A: raise Tiger, he knows
Q: Why is Elin Woods mad regarding Tiger's outlay habits?
A: He purchased a trademark store thanks to all the valentines cards he had to send!
Q: what is the distinction between Tiger Woods' partner and his Escalade?
A: The white airbag within the Escalade did not make bigger and hit him in the face.
Q: What does one get if you're in bed with any of Tiger's alleged mistresses?
A: WOOD!
Q: What was Tiger Woods initial twitter from within sex addiction rehab?
A: I Twittered my Google and came on MyFace!
Q: what is the distinction between a laptop drive and a Cadillac Escalade?
A: Tiger Woods will duplicate a tough drive.
Q: Why cannot Tiger Woods apologize to any or all the ladies he is been concerned with?
A: Elin will not provide him back his phone!
Q: wherever do all of Tiger Woods' girlfriends live?
A: They board ID, as a result of all says, "Hi. ID of the day."
Q: what's Tiger Woods favorite pick-up line?
A: I purchase a hole in one anytime baby!
Q: What will Tiger Woods and therefore the new Greek deity business for the Masters have in common?
A: Tiger Woods bangs prostitutes and Greek deity pimps out his father's memory!
Q: however is Southwest Airlines capitalizing on Tiger Woods infidelity woes?
A: By introducing a special Tiger Woods rate wherever mistresses fly free!
Tiger Woods has admitted to his partner, Elin Woods, that he has competed around with seven ladies. His partner thinks there square measure a minimum of eleven a lot of he has had sex with as a result of she is aware of Tiger likes to play eighteen holes.
Confucius Says:
It's nice to speak concerning Tiger Tappin birdies rather than birds.
One day Tiger is out with Elin by the stream however what\'s thus attention-grabbing concerning that?
He hijacks the beavers damn Escalade and says mama we're going symptom tonight
Breaking News! Apr seven, 2010
Tiger participated in his initial "threesome" in nearly five months nowadays at the Masters!
Q: What do the highest mercantilism T-shirts at the Masters say?
A: decide American state Tiger. I am ninetieth white, golden showers r my favorite and I do not fuck & tell
Tiger Woods is proof:
You'll ALWAYS lose cash by chasing girls, you will never lose girls chasing cash...
A caddy found a ball at the top of the golf green that he claimed belonged to Tiger Woods as a result of it had an image of his mistress on that.
When questioned concerning it, Tiger checked out the ball with the image and replied, "Yeah, I hit that."
The kids R enjoying Tiger Woods crazy miniature golf.
Windmill was straightforward however they can't get past the nite club. Or the cocktail bar.
When Tiger Woods better half was touching him with the golf club she asked what number girls he had slept with.
Witnesses aforesaid they detected him scream "FOUR".
After hearing that a blonde with huge breasts beat Tiger Woods, Colin Montgomery is upping his game
