125 Really Funny Short Jokes

Irish Joke

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

Train Joke

Two blondes are on a train, sitting in a cabin next to an older gentleman who happens to have a long beard. One of the blond girls whispers to the other 'Wow, look, it's Charles Darwin!!' 'Are you stupid, he's been dead for over 200 years!' the other blonde replies. Just then, another older man walks into the cabin and says 'Howdy Charles, I haven't seen you for hundreds of years, what have you been up to?' The first blonde says to the second 'Who's stupid now?'

Pig Joke

A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks, "Where did you get that?" The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Airline Joke

A British Airways employee took a call from a blonde asking the question, "How long is the Concorde flight from London to New York?" "Um, just a minute, if you please," he murmured. Then, as he turned to check the exact flight time, he heard an equally polite, "Thank you," as the phone went dead.

War Joke

The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings."Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!" "Well, Paddy," Sarkozy replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!" Sarkozy paused. "I must tell you, Paddy that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Sarkozy asks. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor." Sarkozy sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke." "Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you." Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!" Sarkozy was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!" "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war." "Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Sarkozy. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and we decided there is no friking way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.

Old Man Joke

An old man went to the Doctor complaining that his wife could barely hear. The Doctor suggested a test to find out the extent of the problem. “Stand far behind her and ask her a question, and then slowly move up and see how far away you are when she first responds.” The old man excited to finally be working on a solution for the problem, runs home and sees his wife preparing supper. ” Honey” the man asks standing around 20 feet away “whats for supper?” After receiving no response he tried it again 15 feet away, and again no response. Then again at 10 feet away and again no response. Finally he was 5 feet away “honey whats for supper?” She replies “For the fourth time it’s lasagna!”

Best short funny Irish jokes with hilarious new train jokes. More humor with crazy pig jokes and good airline jokes including amazing war jokes. Includes super comedy videos.