117 Good Short Funny Jokes

Pupil Joke

Harold: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do? Teacher: Of course not. Harold: Good, because I didn't do my homework. 

Teacher: Why are you late? Webster: Because of the sign. Teacher: What sign? Webster: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." That's what I did. 

Teacher: Bob, I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper. Bob: I hope you didn't either. 

Gary: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test. Teacher: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you. 

Mother: Why did you get such a low mark on that test? Junior: Because of absence. Mother: You mean you were absent on the day of the test? Junior: No, but the kid who sits next to me was. 

Sylvia: Dad, can you write in the dark? Father: I think so. What do you want me to write? Sylvia: Your name on this report card. 

Teacher: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son. Father: What's that? Teacher: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.

Mail Joke

A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist: "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me." Psychiatrist: "Don't you have a phone in your car?" Blonde: "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car." Psychiatrist: "Uh ... How's that working?" Blonde: "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet." Psychiatrist: "And why do you think that is?" Blonde: "I figure it's because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."

God Joke

Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, “What is wrong with you?” Adam said, “Lord, I don’t have anyone to talk to.” God said, “Then I will give you a companion, and she will be called a ‘woman’. This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give ‘love’ and compassion whenever needed. She will never question your behaviour or the company you keep. She will support you and understand that you have important decisions to make throughout your life and don’t have time for nonsense…” Adam asked God, “What will this woman cost?” God said, “An arm and a leg…” Adam said, “What can I get for just a rib?”

Officer Joke

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding. Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one. Officer: Don’t have one? Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving. Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Woman: I can’t do that. Officer: Why not? Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am? Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The first officer is stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Woman: Betcha the lying IDIOT!! told you I was speeding too.

Accident Joke

It is the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere, two cars both slightly cross over the white line in the centre of the road. They collide and a fair amount of damage is done, miraculously neither driver is hurt. They both get out. One is a doctor, one is a lawyer. The lawyer calls the police on his cell phone and they say they will be there within 20 minutes. It’s cold and damp, and both men are shaken up. The lawyer offers the doctor a drink of brandy from his hip flask, the doctor accepts, drinks and hands it back to the lawyer, who then puts it away. "Aren’t you going to have a drink?" the doctor says. "AFTER the police get here." replies the lawyer.

Politician Joke

As a popular local politician I always try to help out whenever I can. So that’s how it came to be that when a fellow came up to me in a hotel lobby the other day and asked me for a small favor I was more then happy to oblige. “Hi,” said the fellow, introducing himself as Bob Smith. “I’m having a very important business meeting in a few minutes, and it’s very important that I impress them . If you can just come over during our meeting and say hello I would be forever indebted to you!” So that’s how a few minutes later, I found myself walking over to the fellow with a big smile on my face, “Hi Bob!” I said. “I barely got the words out of my mouth when Bob looked up with an annoyed expression, “DON’T BOTHER ME NOW CHRIS. CAN’T YOU SEE I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF AN IMPORTANT MEETING?!

Best short funny pupil jokes with hilarious new mail jokes. More humor with crazy god jokes and good officer jokes including amazing accident jokes. Includes smart comedy videos.