103 Very Funny

Breakfast Joke

My daughter's 5th-grade class had been studying astronomy. One morning at breakfast she announced, "On Friday we're having a quiz on the moon." That's when her little brother piped up, saying, "Are you gonna let her go, Mom?"

Vacation Joke

The Winter Break was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he did over the break. "We visited my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania," he replied. "That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said. "Can you tell the class how you spell 'Punxsutawney'?" Little Johnny thought about it and said, "You know, come to think of it, we went to Ohio."

Bus Joke

A blonde was walking down the street with her blouse wide open. A policeman walks up to her and asks her "Excuse me, but you have your blouse open." The blonde yells back "Oh no, I forgot my baby on the bus!"

Fun Joke

Patient: I have a problem doctor. I feel depressed and worthless. Doctor: You should cut down on your drinks. Patient: I don't drink and have never touched a drop in my life. Doctor: You should cut down on your smoking. Patient: I don't smoke either doctor. Doctor: You should cut down on womanizing. Patient: Good heavens!! Haven't touched a woman in my entire life. Doctor: Your problem is you have no problems!! Get yourself a drink, learn to smoke, and find a couple of girlfriends and you will be alright.

Tie Joke

On the day of my big job interview I woke up late. Frantically I threw on a suit. “OH NO!” I thought. “MY TIE! My Dad was out of town and wasn’t there to help me, and for the life of me I did not know how to tie a tie! I grabbed a tie and ran out the door. “Excuse me sir,” I said to the crossing guard, “I have an important job interview, can you please help me make this tie?!” “Sure” said the guard, “just lie down on this bench.” Well if someone was going to help me I wasn’t going to ask any questions. After he finished and the tie looked good I just had to ask why I had to lie down. “Well in my previous job I learned how to tie tie’s on other people when they were lying down. He replied. What was your previous job? I asked incredulously. “I ran a morg.” Was the reply.

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