86 Funny Clean Jokes Short

Lunch Joke

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

Court Joke

The boy, who was a witness in court, was asked by a lawyer: "Did anyone tell you what to say in court?" "Yes, sir." "I thought so! Who was it?" "My father, sir." "And what did he tell you?" "He said the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up, but if I stuck to the truth, I would be all right."

Plane Joke

About 90 fifth-graders piled into the airliner I was flying, on their way home from a school trip. Once we were in the air, and the crew began serving drinks, I could hear them pleading with the children to settle down and let the other passengers get some sleep. No amount of reasoning seemed to help, until I thought of the solution that actually worked. I picked up the PA mike in the cockpit and announced, "Children, this is the captain speaking. Don't make me stop this airplane and come back there!"

Baseball Joke

A doctor at an insane asylum, decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up nuts!" And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, "Down Nuts!" And they all sat. After a home run he yelled, "Cheer nuts!" And they all broke into applause and cheers. Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened. The assistant replied, "Everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, "PEANUTS!"

Life Joke

"Well let me tell you this. In this life we live, there are two things involved. It's either you're a man or you're a woman. If you're a woman, you're safe. But if you're a man, there are two things involved. It's either you are a civilian or you're in the military. If you are a civilian, you're safe. If you're in the military, there are two things involved. It's either you're in the office or you're at the war front. If you're in the office, you're safe. If you're at the war front, there are two things involved. It's either you kill somebody or somebody kills you. If you kill somebody, you're safe. But if somebody kills you, there are two things involved. It's either you're being buried or your body is used for manure. If you're being buried, you're safe. If your body is being used for manure, there are two things involved. It's either you're used to grow flowers or you're used to grow trees. If you're used for flowers, you're safe. If you are used for trees, there are two things involved. It's either you're being used to make paper and tissue paper or you're being used to make furniture. If you are used for furniture, you're safe. If you are used for tissue paper, there are two things involved. It's either you're being used by a man or you're being used by a woman. If you are being used by a man, you're safe. But if you're being used by a woman, there are two things involved. It's either she uses you from the back or she used you from the front. If you are being used from the back, you're safe. If you are being used from the front, there are two things involved. It's either you contract gonorrhea or you contract HIV. If you contract gonorrhea, you're safe. If you contract HIV, there's only one thing involved - you will die."

Best short funny lunch jokes with hilarious new court jokes. More humor with crazy plane jokes and good baseball jokes including amazing life jokes. Includes fine comedy videos.